When will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops

A Modern Man digital and smoke free, a man for the millenium.
A diversified, multi-cultural post-modern deconstructionist; politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect.
I've been uplinked and downloaded, I've been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of down sizing and the downside of upgrading.
I'm a high tech low life, a cutting edge state of the art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.
I'm new wave but I'm old school; and my inner child is outward bound.
I'm a hot wired heat seeking warm hearted cool customer; voice-activated and bio-degradable.
Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin' the wave, dodging the bullet, pushin the enevelope.
I'm on point, on task, on message, in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar.
A high-concept, low profile, medium range ballistic missionary.
I'm a non-beleiver and an over acheiver, laid back and fashion forward.
Up front, down home, low rent and high maintenence.
I'm super-sized, long lasting, high-definition, fast acting and built to last.

Worlds Oldest Animal or was

Monday, October 29, 2007

Scientists Find 405 Year Old Living Clam

Scientists have found a clam off the coast of island that may well be the world's oldest creature. The ocean quahog clam was dredged up off the coast of Iceland and using the rings on its shell researchers claim it is 405-years-old.

Named Ming, after the Ming Dynasty which ruled China when it was young, the clam is so old that during its youth Queen Elizabeth I was on the throne and Shakespeare was penning his famous works.

Professor Chris Richardson, from Bangor University's School of Ocean Sciences explained that the rings on the clam's shell provide researchers with information about growth conditions year-by-year, and so provide a record of the environmental changes during the animal's life.

According to the Guinness Book of Records, the longest-lived animal was a clam found in 1982 aged 220. Unofficially, another clam - found in an Icelandic museum - was discovered to be 374-years-old, making Ming 31 years older. Link

Then they killed it to study its rings!!!!!

Todays Thought

I think to know if they know what I know I need them to think they know what I want them to think I know what they know if I want them to think I know, I think. Or not.

The Good Old Days

IBM System/3

IBM introduced its System/3 computer (IBM 5410) on July 30, 1969 to meet the computing needs of small businesses. It was the first system totally developed in-house by the company's laboratory in Rochester, Minn., and the most significant IBM product announcement since the IBM System/360 in 1964. The System/3 was not compatible with the System/360, as it featured a smaller punched card which could encode up to 96 characters per card. The System/3 used IBM's new monolithic integrated circuits, and rented for less than $1,000 a month -- about half the cost of a System/360 Model 20.

On October 28, 1970, the company rolled out the IBM System/3 Model 6 (IBM 5406). Rochester's Advanced Unit Record Systems Programming group had developed the Report Programming Generator II programming language intended for commercial applications on the Model 6.

On July 10, 1973, IBM introduced a new, larger-capacity System/3 -- the Model 15 (IBM 5415) -- with added function and versatility. Developed in Rochester, the Model 15 was manufactured in Boca Raton, Fla., and in Vimercate, Italy.

By July 1974, more than 25,000 System/3s had been installed around the world, and another version, Model 8, jointly designed by Rochester and Boca Raton, debuted that September.

The System/3 was ultimately succeeded by the IBM System/38 in 1978, and all System/3 models had been withdrawn from marketing by June 1985.

The Maine Coast

The Maine coast at night late in December

The air so cold I still remember

Just you and I alone

At last together

Finding each other

forgetting the weather

The night so quiet

Just the water and wind

And our hearts beating again and again

A moment in time

a time to remember

The Maine coast at night late in December

George Carlin 101 Quotes

101 Greatest George Carlin Quotes
By James A. on May 12th, 2007

The man who says “life is worth losing” turns 70 today. George would say that’s irony, not a coincidence. George Dennis Carlin was born May 12, 1937 in New York City and for the last 47 years he’s been doing stand-up comedy better than anyone else on the planet. In the process he’s pissed off a lot of people and accumulated some of funniest, and most controversial, quotes known to man. Even a list of 101 quotes is just scratching the surface. In no particular order here are his 101 best…

• I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!
• Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
• Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!
• A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
• Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?
• I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.
• I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American — you know, you grow.
• You can’t fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
• If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
• Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
• If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
• No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.
• There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven….baaaad words.” That’s what they told us, right? …You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.
• The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
• The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
• Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
• Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
• Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
• If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.
• If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
• You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
• Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
• Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”
• As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.
• If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
• The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
• I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
• I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
• If you’ve got a cat and a leg, you’ve got a happy cat. If you’ve got a cat and two legs, you’ve got a party.
• You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick.
• By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
• Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
• Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
• I don’t like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.
• I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
• When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.
• Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.
• I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.
• I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook.
• I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
• Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.
• So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.
• Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason.
• Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
• I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
• Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
• Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
• God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
• I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
• One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.
• If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?
• What year did Jesus think it was?
• George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
• Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
• In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.
• Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
• “One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
• No one who has had “Taps” played for them has ever been able to hear it.
• Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.
• The best thing about living at the water’s edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.
• The future will soon be a thing of the past.
• The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
• The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
• Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
• The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
• I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
• Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.
• “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
• Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
• And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”
• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
• Whoever coined the term “Buyer Beware” was probably bleeding from the asshole.
• Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.
• Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?
• I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.
• Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin’ ready to hang himself.
• The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
• If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
• “Meow” means “woof” in cat.
• Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
• Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
• “No comment” is a comment.
• If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
• You can’t argue with a good blowjob.
• Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
• So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.
• Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
• Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
• When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.
• The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.
• I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
• If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!
• Hooray for most things!
• Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.
• I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
• Life is a zero sum game.
• Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.
• I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
• It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.

Edgar & Annabel Lee

 It was many and many a year ago,
        In a kingdom by the sea,
  That a maiden there lived whom you may know
        By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
  And this maiden she lived with no other thought
        Than to love and be loved by me.

  I was a child and she was a child,
        In this kingdom by the sea;
  But we loved with a love that was more than love-
        I and my Annabel Lee;
  With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
        Coveted her and me.

  And this was the reason that, long ago,
        In this kingdom by the sea,
  A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
        My beautiful Annabel Lee;
  So that her highborn kinsman came
        And bore her away from me,
  To shut her up in a sepulchre
        In this kingdom by the sea.

  The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
        Went envying her and me-
  Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
        In this kingdom by the sea)
  That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
        Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

  But our love it was stronger by far than the love
        Of those who were older than we-
        Of many far wiser than we-
  And neither the angels in heaven above,
        Nor the demons down under the sea,
  Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
        Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

  For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
        Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
  And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
        Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
  And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
  Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
        In the sepulchre there by the sea,
        In her tomb by the sounding sea.

Underdog

I saw and ad for Underdog and all I could think was that Michael Vick must be scared shitless!!!

1998 web site

http://www.ziplink.net/users/jbarboza/

Delbert - Same kind of Crazy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5dhP8f6yaU

Darwin Nominee 2007

(24 June 2007, Colorado) If you get "Footloose" and cut the rug on on an oil tank, be sure not to light a cigarette (or bong of weed) else you may soon be walking up the proverbial "Stairway to Heaven".

News reports say a crude oil storage tank exploded as two teens were jumping on it, hurling the youths to their deaths. The tank, owned by Pinnacle Oil Company, exploded during a party in Routt National Forest. The victims were identified as Samuel and Christopher, 17 and 19.

After smoking marijuana and liquoring themselves up at this "popular party spot," the "Footloose" teens decided that it would be fun to leap and cavort upon a mostly-empty oil tank. Their energetic "Saturday Night Fever" gyrations caused fumes to leak from the relief valve...

"There were several ignitions sources," according to Rio Blanco County Undersheriff Michael Joos. One teenager was smoking, and there was a bonfire nearby. One or another of these "ignition sources" sparked a flashdance that sent the two teens hurtling 150 yards away from the explosion.

In The Beginning there was Delbert

Delbert and the Beatles 1962